Most roommate agreements fail for the same reason most diets fail: they're too ambitious, too vague, or written by someone who has never actually lived with another human being.
You can find dozens of legal-sounding templates online. They'll tell you to document everything from "quiet hours" to "spiritual considerations." And then three weeks into the lease, nobody remembers where they saved the PDF.
A good roommate agreement isn't a legal document. It's a conversation you write down. Here's how to create one that actually sticks.
Why Bother with a Written Agreement?
Because memory is unreliable, and assumptions are dangerous.
You think you both agreed that guests can stay over on weekends. Your roommate remembers it as "anytime, as long as they don't use my stuff." Two months later, their partner is there five nights a week, eating your yogurt, and you're seething quietly in your room.
A written agreement doesn't prevent every conflict. But it gives you something to point to when things get foggy. "Hey, we agreed on two overnight guests per week, remember? Page one."
The goal isn't a binding contract. It's shared expectations, documented clearly, before resentment has a chance to build.
When to Have the Conversation
Timing matters more than most people realize.
Before move-in is ideal. You're both still on good behavior, still motivated to make it work. The power dynamic is balanced because neither person has settled in yet.
Already living together? That's fine too. Frame it as a positive step, not a reaction to a problem. "I read that roommates who write things down have fewer conflicts. Want to spend 20 minutes putting our house rules on paper?"
What you don't want is to draft an agreement in the middle of a fight. That's a peace treaty, not a partnership.
The Sections That Actually Matter
Forget the 13-item legal checklists. Here are the seven areas where roommate conflicts actually start, ranked by how often they cause problems.
1. Money: Rent, Utilities, and Shared Expenses
This is the big one. More roommate relationships end over money than anything else.
What to write down:
- How rent is split (equal, by room size, or by income)
- Which utilities are shared and how they're divided
- Who pays the landlord or management company directly
- Payment deadline each month (the 1st? the 28th?)
- What happens if someone pays late
- How shared supplies (toilet paper, dish soap, trash bags) are handled
The conversation starter: "What feels fair to both of us for splitting costs? I want to make sure neither of us is quietly frustrated about money."
Common pitfall: Assuming "we'll just Venmo each other" covers it. Be specific. Which app? Who sends the request? What's the deadline?
2. Cleaning and Chores
The second biggest source of roommate tension, and the hardest to get right because everyone has a different definition of "clean."
What to write down:
- What "clean common areas" actually means (dishes done same day? counters wiped down? floors swept weekly?)
- Who handles which recurring chores, or how you rotate
- How often the bathroom and kitchen get a deep clean
- The rule for dishes (wash immediately? within 24 hours? dishwasher only?)
- Who takes out trash and recycling, and on what schedule
The conversation starter: "On a scale of 1 to 10, how clean do you like things? I'm probably a 7. That way we know where we both stand."
Pro tip: Rotating chores weekly works better than permanent assignments. Nobody wants to be the "always cleans the bathroom" person forever. A simple chart on the fridge (or a shared note on your phone) keeps it visible.
3. Guests and Overnight Visitors
This is where things get personal fast. And it's the area where most people avoid being direct until it's too late.
What to write down:
- How much notice before having guests over (a text that day? 24 hours?)
- Maximum number of overnight stays per week for any one guest
- Whether significant others are treated differently from friends
- Rules about guests using shared spaces (kitchen, living room, bathroom)
- What happens when a guest effectively becomes an unofficial roommate
The conversation starter: "How do you feel about overnight guests? I want to make sure we're both comfortable in our own home."
The line most people miss: "If either of us feels like a guest is staying too often, we agree to bring it up within a week rather than letting it build."
4. Noise and Quiet Hours
You're a morning person. They play guitar at 11 PM. Or you both work from home and one of you takes calls in the living room while the other needs silence.
What to write down:
- Quiet hours (a range, like 10 PM to 8 AM on weekdays)
- Rules about music, TV volume, and phone calls in common areas
- How to handle work-from-home noise during the day
- The agreed-upon signal for "I need it quiet right now" (a text? a door closed?)
The conversation starter: "What's your schedule like? I want to figure out when we might need to be mindful of noise."
Reality check: Headphones solve 80% of noise problems. If you both agree to default to headphones after 10 PM, you've just prevented dozens of future arguments.
5. Shared Spaces and Personal Belongings
The kitchen is always the battlefield. But living rooms, bathrooms, and even hallways can become contested territory.
What to write down:
- Which shelves, cabinets, or fridge sections belong to whom
- Whether food is shared, separate, or "ask first"
- Rules about using each other's cookware, appliances, or toiletries
- How common area furniture and decor decisions are made
- Whether the thermostat has agreed-upon settings
The conversation starter: "Should we do shared groceries or keep food separate? I've done both and there are pros and cons to each."
The thermostat clause: This sounds trivial until you get the first heating bill. Pick a range (say, 68 to 72 degrees) and agree that neither person changes it outside that window without a conversation.
6. Moving Out and Lease Changes
Nobody wants to think about the end when they're just starting. But the time to discuss exit terms is when everyone is calm and friendly.
What to write down:
- How much notice is required before someone moves out (30 days? 60 days?)
- Whether the person leaving helps find a replacement
- How the security deposit gets handled
- What happens to shared furniture or household items
- The process if one person wants to stay and the other wants to leave
The conversation starter: "Just so we're both covered, what feels reasonable for a heads-up if either of us needs to move?"
Smart addition: "We agree to discuss lease renewal at least 60 days before the lease ends, so neither of us is surprised."
7. How You Handle Disagreements
This is the section most templates skip entirely. It's also the most important one.
What to write down:
- The agreement to address issues directly within one week of noticing them
- A commitment to discuss problems in person (not via passive-aggressive texts)
- A monthly or quarterly "house check-in" where you review how things are going
- What happens if you can't resolve something between yourselves (mediator? involve the landlord?)
The conversation starter: "When something bugs you, what's the best way for me to hear about it? I'd rather know early than find out when it's a big deal."
The most powerful sentence in any roommate agreement: "We agree that bringing up a concern is not the same as starting a fight, and we'll treat it that way."
What Most Roommate Agreements Get Wrong
They're too formal. If your agreement reads like a legal brief, nobody will reference it when it matters. Write it in plain language. Use the words you'd actually say out loud.
They try to cover everything. You don't need a clause about candle usage. Focus on the seven areas above, the ones that actually cause problems, and you'll cover 95% of potential conflicts.
They're one-sided. The person who initiates the agreement often writes it in their favor without realizing it. Draft it together. Both people should feel like the agreement protects them equally.
They never get updated. Circumstances change. Someone gets a pet. Someone starts working nights. Someone's partner moves to town. Build in a review date (every three to six months) and update the agreement when life shifts.
The Format: Keep It Simple
You don't need a lawyer. You don't need a notary. You need a shared Google Doc or a printed page on the fridge.
Here's a format that works:
- Both names and the date at the top
- Sections for each area with bullet points under each
- A review date at the bottom ("We'll revisit this on [date three months out]")
- Both people sign or initial it (not for legal reasons, but for psychological commitment)
The act of writing it down matters more than where you save it. Something about putting pen to paper (or cursor to doc) makes both people take the agreement more seriously.
How to Bring It Up Without Being Weird
The number one reason people skip roommate agreements? They feel awkward suggesting one.
Here are three approaches depending on your situation:
If you're moving in with someone new: "I've heard that roommates who put expectations on paper have way fewer problems. Want to do a quick house agreement this weekend? Shouldn't take more than 20 minutes."
If you're already living together and things are fine: "Things have been going well, and I want to keep it that way. I found this idea about writing down house rules so there's never any confusion. Interested?"
If you're already living together and things are tense: "I think some of the friction we've had comes from different expectations. Could we sit down and get on the same page about a few things? Not a big deal, just clarity."
All three work because they frame the agreement as a tool for both people, not a demand from one.
A Quick-Start Template
If you want to skip the blank page, here's a starter you can copy and customize:
Rent and Bills
- Rent split: [amount] each, due by the [date] of each month
- Utilities split: [method]
- Shared supplies: [how you handle them]
- Payment method: [app/check/etc.]
Cleaning
- Standard: [your agreed definition]
- Rotation: [weekly/biweekly]
- Dishes rule: [your agreement]
Guests
- Notice: [timeframe]
- Overnight limit: [number] per week
- "Unofficial roommate" check-in: if either of us feels a guest is staying too much, we'll talk about it within a week
Noise
- Quiet hours: [time range]
- Default to headphones after: [time]
Shared Spaces
- Food: [shared/separate/ask first]
- Fridge: [divided how?]
- Thermostat: [range]
Moving Out
- Notice required: [days]
- Replacement responsibility: [who finds them?]
- Deposit: [how it's handled]
Disagreements
- Bring up issues within: [timeframe]
- Check-in schedule: [monthly/quarterly]
Signed: __________ Date: __________ Signed: __________ Date: __________
That's it. One page. Maybe two if you have strong opinions about thermostat settings.
What Happens If Someone Breaks the Agreement?
Let's be realistic: the agreement will get broken. Someone will leave dishes in the sink past the deadline. Someone's guest will overstay. The question isn't whether it happens, but how you handle it.
Step one: Assume good intent. They probably forgot, not maliciously violated Section 3, Clause B.
Step two: Reference the agreement casually. "Hey, we said dishes within 24 hours, remember? Can you knock those out tonight?"
Step three: If it keeps happening, bring it up at your next check-in. "The dishes thing has come up a few times. Is the 24-hour rule not working for you? Should we adjust it?"
Step four: If nothing changes, you have a bigger conversation about whether the living situation is working. Having the agreement makes this conversation easier because you're not debating what was agreed to; you already have that in writing.
The agreement isn't about punishment. It's about having a shared reference point that makes hard conversations less hard.
One Last Thing
The best roommate agreements aren't documents. They're proof that two people cared enough about their living situation to have an honest conversation before problems started.
Twenty minutes of slightly awkward discussion can prevent months of silent frustration. That's a return on investment even your landlord would approve of.
If you're still in the process of finding the right roommate, start there. If you've already found someone and want to make sure the fit is solid, go through these 10 essential questions together before you write anything down.
The agreement comes after the conversation. And the conversation is always worth having.